Tears

Innocence in childhood is hard to find, hard to protect and getting only harder.

Children have such a beautiful gift in the way they experience life, in their opportunities, their energy, their small joys.  It is a pleasure to see a child live, to play with a child, to hear a child's questions and to see the delight on their faces in discovering something new.  Often, you can see personality in a child that sticks with them all throughout their life, their passions begin to show even at such a young age.

Protecting the beauty and innocence of a child's learning experience is so important in these days, crucial as the news becomes so accessible through social media and internet, as the impurities and lusts of this world threaten to overtake the internet, values are lost and even the value of simply going for a crisp walk or playing basketball in the courtyard with your friends.

Whatever happened to this type of healthy play that has been traded for video games, and going over to just sit in front of a screen to be entertained? 

Childhood innocence is so beautiful and tears fall when I think of childhood innocence lost. When we see death, war, starvation, abuse, separation, fear, all around us, how do we preserve joyful bliss of a child's discovery of life. Are we celebrating all the beauty that surrounds us as well, or do we see only the suffering?

This is a personal challenge. I want to not get overwhelmed by the sorrowful things going on, but to also remember the goodness of the Lord in the times of sorrow. To remember the crisp feeling of fall leaves as they crunch beneath your feet, to run in the crisp autumn air and feel its chill as it escapes your lungs, to see the beauty of the bright blue sky and sunshine, to play. 

God is able to take the tears and turn them into laughter, to take the sorrows of the night and bring joy in the morning. 

"Do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or clothing what you will wear. See how God takes care of the lilies of the field that they are clothed more brilliantly than King Solomon...and not one sparrow falls to the ground without His attention.  If he cares such for the flowers of the field, which are here today, and gone tomorrow, How much more, then, will He care for you?"  (Rough Joanna paraphrase)

Chasing God…A Heartcry

Truly,

My desire is after God's heart, to have His love unconditionally surround me, to know that He has purified my heart that He is pleased with me.

and SO OFTEN I FAIL.  I fail to meet His standards and then it dawns on me how ridiculous it is to think that I am going to meet His standards? ha.  I could laugh at the thought of it.  Being able to meet God's standard of holiness of purity???  NEVER POSSIBLE.  Although Impossible with man, although impossibly my heart breaks by my own inability to attain His standard of purity, He has cleansed and called me pure before the Father in Heaven.

Jesus did take it all, He is pure, He did live sinless. He did live spotless. He did what I could never do…

I confess my own limitations. My failure to meet the bar. The dreams in my heart are impossible if not for Him. I confess that I need Him so much, every hour.

Jesus, please cleanse me and make me white at snow. Make me pure before you. My desire is to glorify the Father, to please Him. I'm like an 8 yr old child, smilingly coming before her Papa with a crayon colored picture of her family and presenting it like prized possession to Him, asking him to accept the gift that I made with everything I had just for him. Papa takes this and holds it to his heart like a prized possession, pleased with my offering.

I offer you my life, Father, as it is, with all its imperfections. I give it my VERY BEST. my VERY BEST for you. I want nothing else like I want you. In everything….in everything.

Whether I come with tears or laughter, let these be tears that honor you, that were shed in the earnestness of my heart after you, or laughter due to joy in You at Your hand.

You alone are worthy Abba.

My heart aches

You have taught me O Father that the ways of the heart are deceiving, don't be led by your emotions. So forgive me when this has lead my decisions rather than solid truth. Lead me, According to your ways that I might be a reflection of Jesus. Not a reflection of some "super spiritual or righteous" person, no but a reflection of Jesus. Jesus was humble. Luke 18:19 "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." Jesus did not take up his own agenda but was busy doing the agenda of the Father. Matthew 26:42b "My Father if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done." Matthew 11:27 "All things were handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father; neither does anyone know the Father except the Son and the one to whom the Son chooses to reveal him."

When hope dims...I will hold on!

I love Hebrews 11.  It speaks of amazing men and women of God, saints if you will, who held tightly to their convictions even to the death.  They died not seeing the fulfilment, yet fully trusted God to fulfill his promise.

What of all those thousands who died not seeing the birth of the Messiah?  So many examples in Scripture of courageous and faithful men and women who believed, though not seeing, and held on to their convictions to the death. 

I also believe for something special, though I do not see it.  I am holding fast to my convictions in spite of all.  Even though I believe, I wont lie about my temptation to fear.  I choose not to dwell on fears that attack, but to trust that God does know and have perfect timing!  My romantic heart waits patiently for my God, to see his fulfillment of dreams long ago planted in my heart, of things he continues to shape and fashion with love and care.  His grace sustains me, and should I die, I will die believing him. 
Above all,
My heart yearns to be free of this earthly vessel, but when I come to the throne of grace, I do not want to come empty handed.  I want my spirit to be overflowing with the goodness of God, the salvations of tens of thousands, the fruits of love, joy peace patience kindness goodness and self control.

I know that I can never NEVER EVER measure up to this call.  If not for the grace of God, I would never feel peace to die, because I know that death means assured judgment for how much I have fallen short of his glory.  What do I have to offer the King of Kings?  Rather I am as insignificant as dust, and smaller than a white blood cell before him.  Just to be near him, His fragrance will overwhelm me and I imagine swooning and fainting before His Majesty.  He is so kind and so good.

God's love for me is enough.

The story of the living dead

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Romans 6:23

       Eternity was within our grasp, but we passed it.

We allowed it to slip through our fingers while we still had a chance.  We followed after our own passions and greed.  We served ourselves but could not save ourselves.  We were led to deeper and deeper depravity, til our eyes were completely blinded from the truth, til our hearts would not soften at the still and constant calling to change.

       Eternity was within our grasp, but we chose death.

We thirsted after wine and parties.  We indulged in every earthly delight.  We starved ourselves from food in order to gain a better image, to gain more status here on earth,to be fuller.  Our emptiness grew stronger.  We heard softly a voice saying, turn to me, I will heal, deliver, I will give you the fullness you long after.

      We ignored it. 

We turned our eyes to another man.  After we had seduced him and he finally proposed.  We thought children would ease our pain.  To have a child would surely fill us.  He left us embittered, realizing that we were selfish and only wanted to fulfill our own lusts through him.

      We hunger and thirst after God, but its too late. 
The dry heat and thirst aches.  We cannot swallow.  We do not see each other, we long for companionship.  We are itchy, we are burning.  We cannot feel anything.  We long to just feel, warmth, air, coolness, joy or even sorrow.  Our bones gnaw against one another, the worms cannot die within us.  It is too late.  Despair is the only definable emotion for our miserable state.
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       Eternity is within your grasp. 
A loving Father paved the way for a relationship with all humankind.  Adopting us into His family and rescuing from the grasp of an abusive and delirious parent, who would only pull us into a pit of suffering, enslaving us in our sins.  Yahshua ha Mashiah willingly laid down his life, becoming a sinless sacrifice, he through his guiltless death, defied death forevermore.  He brought back to life many from their captivity to death.  He brought victory forevermore, but we must believe. 

       We must choose to be in relationship with him. 
He will come back for His Bride, those who have clothed themselves with garments of righteousness, with the clothing of the bridegroom, who have traded chains for truth.  We are freed.  We worship Yahwah.  Adonai has redeemed us.  It is a narrow road, our praises bring the victory.

       Eternity with our without Adonai.  This is your choice. 

The only true light and joy comes in faith.  We must believe on the saving and redeeming work of Jesus Christ... that we may live forever with him.  Without him...eternity will be hell itself.  literally.

You choose.

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We filled our lamps with joy, and our wineskins are overflowing.

What is it like to fall in love?

SO,  ...
What is it like to fall in love?

Is it instant in a moment of bliss? Or is it like a marshmallow, only perfected with patience?

What is it like to fall in love?

Is it all I have dreamed for?  Or is it only a child's fantasy?

What is it like to fall in love?
Does love blow past me continuously? or, is it only slow in arriving, softly on the wind?

What is it like to fall in love?
Is it only like the cheap glimpses found in romance novels or in a chic flic?
Is it ever true, faithful to comittment, empty of low compromises?

What is it like to fall in love?
A cup of coffee, jolting you with energy--yet quickly needing its next fix? or A tablespoon of peanut butter, slowly eaten from a spoon and enjoyed and satisfied at its finish?

What is it like to fall in love?
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Sometimes my heart grows so deep with longing for love.  Not just like a quick fix kind of love or anything. But for children to raise of my own, for someone to grow old with, for a God to pursue and a mission to adventure on with together.
I know that I am still not too old, and I know that God has heard my prayers, but there are times where it is difficult to be patient, to hold on to belief...it can become something that I doubt, whether or not I have heard my dear Father correctly.

I exhort you other girls, young and old, to hold on to your dreams.  Keep everything in your hearts true, keep your eyes on your faith.  He is able to hold you still, even when our hope grows dim.  "He is faithful even when we are faithless," Paul writes in the book of James, and I believe it. 


I'm glad that I have the truest and dearest love that ever matters.  With him I will spend eternal bliss and happiness, and in Him all my dreams come true.  I love Jesus so much.

battle towards purity

Dear girlfriends,  (and other male visitors...)

This is not a blog saying, "I have accomplished..." or stating that "I am pure," rather that together we are in the pursual of purity.  The pursual of a character so refined by God, so full of truth, that the darkness and the enemy of our pursuit disintegrates.

I cannot do this alone, but it is in that very recognition that my Father is honored.  It is our dependance upon Him for everything that makes us become more and more beautiful every day.

One of the battles that I have encountered endlessly in this life is the battlefield in the mind.  Battled by having a continual prayer life

The Mind is a Battle
As 2 Thessalonians 5 says, we are to "pray without ceasing."  This is not a meaningless exercise that the Scriptures are burdening us with or putting as an added thing on the "to do" list, rather it is purposeful so that we are focused on our Rock and Deliverer at all times.
Phillipians 4:8 ... encourages us to take all our concerns and anxieties before God in prayer and to BELIEVE that He will answer.  It says to offer our cares to Him, to simply ask Him to take care of it, and then to thank Him for doing it!   The Messiah is one who the Scriptures teach is close to our suffering, He understands, and it also teaches us to cast all our cares upon Him.  We stumble and fall in this area MOST when we try to work it out in our own minds, or when we worry and fret about something turning it over in our heads, the Bible teaches us that this is SIN.  This too must be removed from our lives, if we want to be pure before God. 

If you need this too, join me in praying this:
Heavenly Father, I surrender to you all that I am worried about. My life, relationships, friends, people who are in pain, family members, the bed ridden, ill, lonely, people who are estranged from you, Lord send your Spirit.  Heal our land.  I surrender it into your hands.  They are not mine.  I am not able, but YOU ARE.  You looked down and saw all that was, all this that is occurring right now, and you said "I AM."  Forgive me and purify my heart.  Direct all of our prayers, let us remember to always come before you with all things, remembering you as our very best friend, and the closest one.  I ask you for your PEACE.   THANK YOU FATHER.  You are Great and Mighty, and the One who sets before us open doors.

Thank you.  Amen.

I only post this very personal prayer in the efforts that you too will benefit from it, and that your prayers will turn to heaven, that you will cultivate a very personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the Yahshua Mashiach, who suffered a common criminal's death and worse, and who conquered death in His ressurection.  He is mighty to save and to all who call upon His name, who cry out to Him for their help and for their healing, HE LONGS to be VERY close to you and He invites you into His kingdom.  He invites us to be in His presence, even today, and will restore us into correct position under His Father in Heaven, to whom belongs all glory honor and praise.

Come Lord Jesus. My King.