Will the real story please step forward?
How easy it is to get caught up in the false flattery of the world and to get stuck up on some "image." Its either I want to be like that, or I am like this.
Yet outside appearances are so shallow and so easily mistaken. Some become very good at putting on a smile even if they do feel like crap and this is called good "customer service." Some are very good at putting that same smile on their life, and this is called "trying to fit in with everyone else.'" Maybe they don't want to "inconvenience" others with their needs, when it is really pride keeping them from confiding in another. How many times have they confided in you? Yet sometimes it seems the needs are too great... People can only take so much. its true. and while God gave us relationships so that we can be an encouragement to each other and help lift the good out of people and be there for one another. Sometimes it is simply difficult to express such needs to others... the need that they should encourage you. Why, its one thing to be the one encouraging them, and it is good to do so actively, because we thrive from encouragement from one another, but sometimes, its difficult to ask for such encouragement from someone else.
Its truly a good thing to feel good about yourself... It is good to go forward and push ahead and reach for the stars and dreams. And BELIEVE that it will be done.
Sometimes life feels like a masquerade. When I feel down, I definitely don't want to take anyone down in that pit with me, so what happens?
I feel convicted from any people pleasing or falsehood that has corrupted my way. That has caused me to step outside of my limits for the sake of someone else. In this instance that would do them no good. It will not make the person feel good for causing you to step outside of your comfort. I don't know what this is that causes me to alejar from the people who could help me most, but when I am specifically feeling that i am failing in something, and if I need help, I feel instead that my "friends' will judge me, and I have a hard time asking for that help. I know that I can say no and should practice it more. I sometimes feel fine about something, but then go away and feel uneasy in my heart as if I am going beyond what I wanted to do.
I hope and pray that my love for God is not so back and forth. That I do not say to him, yes I will yes I will, while all the while my heart says, wait. stop. no. I do not want such a foolish naive and wimpy indefensive thing.
I know what I practiced as a child, and it had to do with submission. In my childlike understanding, it was important to put the needs of others on a pedestal. I do not know why this happened, but I felt that if I were to be like Christ, and "take up my cross" and follow him, then I would put to death any self will and serve others.
I do not say that I was not still the same little girl who loved to have my daddy's smile and pleasure, and intentionally put myself in a place to receive it. I think I thought that he would love me more if I was the best behaved, if I helped him to take care of the people in the family then it wouldn't be such a big burden for him. I wanted to help. I wanted to serve.
Perhaps in a way, my world was still all about me. Sure, I wanted to serve God with all my heart, and I loved him so much, well, He saved me out of my sins. What was there not to serve. I loved him, and beyond that, I felt his call to ministry on my life.
What if the very devil himself masquerades so well that his face appears like that so beautiful one would not recognize his countenance as evil. How many will he deceive?
I will not be among the deceived who receive his wicked way. For I follow the one and only true God, the great I AM who was is and will be.
This world is not my home and I know that I am an alien here. It has been my greatest comfort since I was young, that I would one day be with you, Yah. It is a beautiful thing.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lagrimas
Las lagrimas salen de mis ojos
A pensar en lo que aprendí
Se vale mis palabras?
El ruego de mi corazon se oye?
La pureza cuesta, amor me cuesta
Mi garganta está seca, no puedo parar
Los imagenes son sus dioses
Toman lugar secreto de sus corazones
Imagenes vergonzosas y sensuales
Enemigos de Dios, ellas
Dios, por favor escucha mi oracion. Hay nadie que haya guardado? hay ninguna que no ha vuelto sus ojos?
Las trampas del diablo a mi tambien me han engañado. Si voy a juzgar, me juzgo primeramente a mi misma.
Pero, el dolor de mi corazon esta presente. Las palabras inexplicables ni quiero vocalizarlas.
Por favor Dios, ayudanos. Vuelvanos a su santo santuario. Mi corazon está rota.
Mi Dios, se me disilusiona la vida. Se derrite todo mi ser. Para que he esperado si no es en ti? Para que me he mantenido si no era para honrarte?
pero todavia una esperanza viene del profundo... si hay unas gotas de esperanza allí. Y dicen...
Señor, No hay por lo menos uno?
Me conoces desde mi profundo y de mi juventud. Por favor Señor, guardalo en sus brazos, protegelo de la tentación. Protege la pureza de su corazon y traelo sano.
Me conoces Señor. Y te pido en el nombre de su Hijo Jesus con gracias.
A pensar en lo que aprendí
Se vale mis palabras?
El ruego de mi corazon se oye?
La pureza cuesta, amor me cuesta
Mi garganta está seca, no puedo parar
Los imagenes son sus dioses
Toman lugar secreto de sus corazones
Imagenes vergonzosas y sensuales
Enemigos de Dios, ellas
Dios, por favor escucha mi oracion. Hay nadie que haya guardado? hay ninguna que no ha vuelto sus ojos?
Las trampas del diablo a mi tambien me han engañado. Si voy a juzgar, me juzgo primeramente a mi misma.
Pero, el dolor de mi corazon esta presente. Las palabras inexplicables ni quiero vocalizarlas.
Por favor Dios, ayudanos. Vuelvanos a su santo santuario. Mi corazon está rota.
Mi Dios, se me disilusiona la vida. Se derrite todo mi ser. Para que he esperado si no es en ti? Para que me he mantenido si no era para honrarte?
pero todavia una esperanza viene del profundo... si hay unas gotas de esperanza allí. Y dicen...
Señor, No hay por lo menos uno?
Me conoces desde mi profundo y de mi juventud. Por favor Señor, guardalo en sus brazos, protegelo de la tentación. Protege la pureza de su corazon y traelo sano.
Me conoces Señor. Y te pido en el nombre de su Hijo Jesus con gracias.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Make your best friend a priority
My dear friends,
It has been some time since I have written you. I wanted to share with you something that has been on my journey right now.
God has been opening my eyes to a weakness that has stopped me from receiving the fullness of His presence.
A pure heart must be protected and guarded. If we are really doing everything possible to raise up a standard of purity, we must "pull out all the stops."
I am doing a new challenge. I must start somewhere, and I will keep you posted as to how it goes. Since I really desire to have a pure heart, and that God should be the receptor and the giver of love to fill my soul, then I need to prioritize my relationships.
Prioritizing our relationships is not always an easy thing. Time can be easily swallowed on chat programs on the computer, or friendships that feed something in us, ...
I recognize that I must choose to be intentional. I have had poor boundaries with time. I have not listened always to what is most important and actually given food for the fire of unhealthy or inconsistent relationships.
I'm so thankful that God is so patient and doesn't give up on my slow learning.
My best friend, (God), should be my first priority. My other best friends should be girls... unless of course I am going to marry some guy.
I guess that is just the way I see it. So, I have had a couple of guy friends who I would consider best friends... but, the time and energy I give to those relationships can and does cause other feelings to develop. I am learning, and slowly I might add, that those friendships end up causing confusion.
Confusion is not of God.
It has been some time since I have written you. I wanted to share with you something that has been on my journey right now.
God has been opening my eyes to a weakness that has stopped me from receiving the fullness of His presence.
A pure heart must be protected and guarded. If we are really doing everything possible to raise up a standard of purity, we must "pull out all the stops."
I am doing a new challenge. I must start somewhere, and I will keep you posted as to how it goes. Since I really desire to have a pure heart, and that God should be the receptor and the giver of love to fill my soul, then I need to prioritize my relationships.
Prioritizing our relationships is not always an easy thing. Time can be easily swallowed on chat programs on the computer, or friendships that feed something in us, ...
I recognize that I must choose to be intentional. I have had poor boundaries with time. I have not listened always to what is most important and actually given food for the fire of unhealthy or inconsistent relationships.
I'm so thankful that God is so patient and doesn't give up on my slow learning.
My best friend, (God), should be my first priority. My other best friends should be girls... unless of course I am going to marry some guy.
I guess that is just the way I see it. So, I have had a couple of guy friends who I would consider best friends... but, the time and energy I give to those relationships can and does cause other feelings to develop. I am learning, and slowly I might add, that those friendships end up causing confusion.
Confusion is not of God.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Worth the wait
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f30S5KMJArI&feature=related
Watch this story!
This is an adorable story of two lovers. Who had their very first kiss on their wedding day.
"All things are possible for those who believe."
Psalms 37:23-24 says,
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds his hand."
Be strong! X O X O
Watch this story!
This is an adorable story of two lovers. Who had their very first kiss on their wedding day.
"All things are possible for those who believe."
Psalms 37:23-24 says,
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds his hand."
Be strong! X O X O
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Once upon a time
What does it really mean to maintain a standard of purity?
As I look out my window this morning, the playground was full of young teens and youth. There is a mentorship program right next to my house that meets on Sundays. Today, as I looked out, I observed a scene where two youth were playing in the grass and exchanged kisses. They were young, and I was stunned at the way that they embraced especially knowing that they came from that youth mentorship. They kissed without any shame, without a care that they were outdoors in public. A young girl nearby began to fight with this bigger guy... another guy pulled her away by putting his hand around her waist.
Some good friends (Christian friends at that)think that kissing a girl means that they are only good friends exploring their options of something more serious.
What is our world coming to? I had a great conversation with my mother today about purity. She was concerned about the seeming lack of holiness and protection that we are now living with.
What fashionable clothing do you wear that is causing men to sin? My friends,
The Bible says that a man who looks at a women and lusts after her has already committed the sin in his heart?
What are we doing? Isn't the church supposed to set an example for the unbelievers in speech, dress?
Thats what I read in my Bible.
As I look out my window this morning, the playground was full of young teens and youth. There is a mentorship program right next to my house that meets on Sundays. Today, as I looked out, I observed a scene where two youth were playing in the grass and exchanged kisses. They were young, and I was stunned at the way that they embraced especially knowing that they came from that youth mentorship. They kissed without any shame, without a care that they were outdoors in public. A young girl nearby began to fight with this bigger guy... another guy pulled her away by putting his hand around her waist.
Some good friends (Christian friends at that)think that kissing a girl means that they are only good friends exploring their options of something more serious.
What is our world coming to? I had a great conversation with my mother today about purity. She was concerned about the seeming lack of holiness and protection that we are now living with.
What fashionable clothing do you wear that is causing men to sin? My friends,
The Bible says that a man who looks at a women and lusts after her has already committed the sin in his heart?
What are we doing? Isn't the church supposed to set an example for the unbelievers in speech, dress?
Thats what I read in my Bible.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
When good wasn't good enough
Dear sisters,
Paul exhorts his mentor Timothy in his letter recognizing the weaknesses of youth, because of the passions in our hearts. He says
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith. love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 3:22
also the Psalmist writes,
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your Word!" Psalms 119:9
I have a confession to make to you all. All of my life I have concentrated on being the best. I felt so grateful because of the sacrifice that my LOVING SAVIOR Jesus Christ had made for me, and forever indebted myself to him. I wanted nothing else than to be indentured to him. Do you know what an indentured servant is?
Well,
An indentured servant is a slave that has been set free. They have already paid all of their debt to the master or they have been forgive their debt, and so they are set free to go. They no longer owe him anything. But this slave, for some reason, decides that he wants to continue on with his master. He (or she) chooses (of their own free will) to continue in the service of his or her master, and "indentures" him or herself to the master. This means that they are giving back the keys to him to work for him forever.
An indentured servant becomes like another member of the household. Perhaps this slave chose this life because they did not have anyone, perhaps it was because of a deep gratitude or love for the family.
Well, There was nothing I wanted more than to belong to my King> he was my best friend. I could cry and Jesus would hold me, and I could laugh for no reason, and Jesus didn't make fun of me. Jesus understood my jokes, listened when no one else would, and even shared letters, dinners and desserts with me, as well as beautiful nature and conversations.
He is the most romantic that I could ever meet, and I cherish His company more than anything.
Yet he is so ilusive and mysterious. I go looking for him sometimes and cannot find him. He keeps my interest in a crazy way, and when I least expect it surprises me with special gifts.
There is just NO ONE good enough to replace him. and I have quickly realized that all my intentions to love him, all my desire to give to him, was just never good enough. I could never give him enough,and I have broken things that I have promised him. Why, I am so enthralled and so delighted,
My friends, This God does not judge me, has not cast me away. I am not worthy of His love. He is my romantic lover and I have hurt him. Yet< He still loves me!!!
HE loves me and he is good!!!!! OUR GOOD CAN NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!
But He... EL SHADDAI... MIGHTY GOD... PROTECTOR . . . HeALER . . . FRIEND . . .
He is GOOD... HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS GOOD!!!
The most glorious experience you could ever have, you would find in my LOVER. He is not double minded like mankind. He will not leave you ever, even though He knows all about you. Run to Him and you will never be disappointed.
Other men will never satisfy you the way He does, and as you seek him, He will bring you into the right relationships with man. He does want you to be happy and fulfilled, and He wants to know you profoundly. He waits for you to discover Him.
Paul exhorts his mentor Timothy in his letter recognizing the weaknesses of youth, because of the passions in our hearts. He says
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith. love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 3:22
also the Psalmist writes,
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your Word!" Psalms 119:9
I have a confession to make to you all. All of my life I have concentrated on being the best. I felt so grateful because of the sacrifice that my LOVING SAVIOR Jesus Christ had made for me, and forever indebted myself to him. I wanted nothing else than to be indentured to him. Do you know what an indentured servant is?
Well,
An indentured servant is a slave that has been set free. They have already paid all of their debt to the master or they have been forgive their debt, and so they are set free to go. They no longer owe him anything. But this slave, for some reason, decides that he wants to continue on with his master. He (or she) chooses (of their own free will) to continue in the service of his or her master, and "indentures" him or herself to the master. This means that they are giving back the keys to him to work for him forever.
An indentured servant becomes like another member of the household. Perhaps this slave chose this life because they did not have anyone, perhaps it was because of a deep gratitude or love for the family.
Well, There was nothing I wanted more than to belong to my King> he was my best friend. I could cry and Jesus would hold me, and I could laugh for no reason, and Jesus didn't make fun of me. Jesus understood my jokes, listened when no one else would, and even shared letters, dinners and desserts with me, as well as beautiful nature and conversations.
He is the most romantic that I could ever meet, and I cherish His company more than anything.
Yet he is so ilusive and mysterious. I go looking for him sometimes and cannot find him. He keeps my interest in a crazy way, and when I least expect it surprises me with special gifts.
There is just NO ONE good enough to replace him. and I have quickly realized that all my intentions to love him, all my desire to give to him, was just never good enough. I could never give him enough,and I have broken things that I have promised him. Why, I am so enthralled and so delighted,
My friends, This God does not judge me, has not cast me away. I am not worthy of His love. He is my romantic lover and I have hurt him. Yet< He still loves me!!!
HE loves me and he is good!!!!! OUR GOOD CAN NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!
But He... EL SHADDAI... MIGHTY GOD... PROTECTOR . . . HeALER . . . FRIEND . . .
He is GOOD... HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS GOOD!!!
The most glorious experience you could ever have, you would find in my LOVER. He is not double minded like mankind. He will not leave you ever, even though He knows all about you. Run to Him and you will never be disappointed.
Other men will never satisfy you the way He does, and as you seek him, He will bring you into the right relationships with man. He does want you to be happy and fulfilled, and He wants to know you profoundly. He waits for you to discover Him.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The first kiss
The fairy tales show it as magical.
I think of it as a promise. A promise to always love you. A promise and commitment. A statement to all the witnesses. It is a statement of belonging.
Magical? Well, I am not practiced. But I am proud of that. I don't know that the first kiss I give away will be magical, but it will mean something significant.
There is something I have longed to give away, and more than once have naturally felt to do so, but the commitment in my heart that goes with it has held me back. My heart says no to giving that away.
Because there is one man only that I want to kiss.
I have made my mistakes. I have been in an intimate relationship with a guy before. We were very close emotionally and I have felt the warmth of a man's arms. I have felt some sort of love in my heart before, but PURE love is this...
Patient or long suffering: This means that a love that is pure will endure the hardship of the wait, and will be patient to the better of the other person.
I fulfil love in this way through enduring the harsh words of my loved ones, enduring my own errors, waiting when I feel like giving up and taking the time necessary when I'd rather just rush forward.
Kind: I love purely when I am kind to my neighbor, kind to my spouse or to my family member. A kind word or deed covers over wounds, and encourages the hearts of those I love.
Does not envy: If I am loving purely, I accept who I am and who my loved one is, without being jealous of the gifts God has given him or her. If I love my husband/boyfriend I will not envy the job they have, their taste, I will not try to possess them or be in control of them. I will be able to accept who they are without trying to be better than them.
Is not proud or boastful: If I have pure love, I will not try to put myself higher than my loved ones. Pure love is humble rather than boastful. If I love purely, I will esteem the other person instead of just singing my own praises to try to get attention. I will not need to try to get attention because my pure love generates love from the other person. Pure love gives of itself freely without requiring payment.
Is not selfish, easily provoked or full of vengeance: Pure love is based in a source that refills. A pure love is given not out of obligation which requires a response. Pure love does not get angry for a trivial reason, or a silly reason, and it does not think evil towards the other person.
PURE love Always hopes, always believes, always endures, and NEVER FAILS!
To find more about Pure love look in 1 Corinthians 13 of the Word of God. There is a great description. Pure love is not easily given but God gives that towards us. Pure love and perfect love does not have any fear, rather it causes fear to vanish!
A pure love is the kind of love that I want. I have it in Jesus Christ my Savior. Should He provide for me another love, a physical love, in this world, I want him to model this love, and that I would model the same for him.
My attempt to guard the first kiss for this man has been idealistic, magical and romantic.
But, that being said, I want my first kiss to make a statement to the world. This... this one... This is the man with which I want to spend the rest of my days.
You think I can make it until that day?
I think of it as a promise. A promise to always love you. A promise and commitment. A statement to all the witnesses. It is a statement of belonging.
Magical? Well, I am not practiced. But I am proud of that. I don't know that the first kiss I give away will be magical, but it will mean something significant.
There is something I have longed to give away, and more than once have naturally felt to do so, but the commitment in my heart that goes with it has held me back. My heart says no to giving that away.
Because there is one man only that I want to kiss.
I have made my mistakes. I have been in an intimate relationship with a guy before. We were very close emotionally and I have felt the warmth of a man's arms. I have felt some sort of love in my heart before, but PURE love is this...
Patient or long suffering: This means that a love that is pure will endure the hardship of the wait, and will be patient to the better of the other person.
I fulfil love in this way through enduring the harsh words of my loved ones, enduring my own errors, waiting when I feel like giving up and taking the time necessary when I'd rather just rush forward.
Kind: I love purely when I am kind to my neighbor, kind to my spouse or to my family member. A kind word or deed covers over wounds, and encourages the hearts of those I love.
Does not envy: If I am loving purely, I accept who I am and who my loved one is, without being jealous of the gifts God has given him or her. If I love my husband/boyfriend I will not envy the job they have, their taste, I will not try to possess them or be in control of them. I will be able to accept who they are without trying to be better than them.
Is not proud or boastful: If I have pure love, I will not try to put myself higher than my loved ones. Pure love is humble rather than boastful. If I love purely, I will esteem the other person instead of just singing my own praises to try to get attention. I will not need to try to get attention because my pure love generates love from the other person. Pure love gives of itself freely without requiring payment.
Is not selfish, easily provoked or full of vengeance: Pure love is based in a source that refills. A pure love is given not out of obligation which requires a response. Pure love does not get angry for a trivial reason, or a silly reason, and it does not think evil towards the other person.
PURE love Always hopes, always believes, always endures, and NEVER FAILS!
To find more about Pure love look in 1 Corinthians 13 of the Word of God. There is a great description. Pure love is not easily given but God gives that towards us. Pure love and perfect love does not have any fear, rather it causes fear to vanish!
A pure love is the kind of love that I want. I have it in Jesus Christ my Savior. Should He provide for me another love, a physical love, in this world, I want him to model this love, and that I would model the same for him.
My attempt to guard the first kiss for this man has been idealistic, magical and romantic.
But, that being said, I want my first kiss to make a statement to the world. This... this one... This is the man with which I want to spend the rest of my days.
You think I can make it until that day?
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